If so, possibly the last thing on your mind is reaching out to be coached through your crisis as you deal with a confusing cocktail of emotions, shock, shame, guilt, worthlessness and even paranoia, yet there are some very compelling reasons to do so.
In order to ensure that you find happiness after infidelity, please read on...
When it happened to me, I couldn’t cope with the idea that people would judge me as being an inadequate wife whose husband had to go elsewhere for sex and I just wanted to hide away. I also had an overwhelming urge for some kind of return to ‘normality’ – I really wanted my old life back!
As the weeks after the discovery passed by (oh so slowly), I yearned for a way of getting rid of those distressing images, to feel attractive again and above all else, I wanted reassurance that the affair was over and my hubby still wanted me. That I mattered to him.
In the absence of a solution to all those wants, I was lost. I was floating in a sea of despair and had no idea how to find dry land again.
Does this ring any bells for you?
Maybe, if you are the partner who has strayed - the feelings of guilt, shame and remorse are pressing down so heavily on you that you want to hide away, put it all behind you and even move on as if nothing has happened?
Maybe your wife or your husband just can’t do that and it upsets and frustrates you?
Perhaps you don’t want to end the affair, not only because of the feeling of excitement you get when you are with them, but you also want the safety net of having the other person to fall back on if you can’t pull your marriage around?
Or perhaps you are now realising just how very alone and unloved you feel?
So let me ask you. Are you trying to find a way through all these confusing emotions, to make decisions which will affect your family, your finances and your future, but finding it all impossibly difficult?
This is why you may want to consider reaching out to Pete and I for help to compile a step-by-step plan, because no one can make informed decisions when they are operating out of fear and emotional pain.
Pete can help you to dispel your fear, make sense of what happened, learn about each other's wants and needs and guide you during this most difficult time, and that can make a HUGE difference to your future happiness.
The role of an Infidelity Coach
As one of the most experienced Infidelity coaches in the UK, Pete has coached many people to a greater sense of happiness. Having been through infidelity himself and having gone on to build a beautifully connected marriage, he has also walked a similar path.
Pete and I know all about the shock of discovery and the resulting stress. We have experienced first-hand the anxiety for the future and what it may hold.
Through our personal experiences and our training, we have acquired the skills to help others through the minefield that infidelity can be. Indeed, we are living proof that being coached can completely transform your marriage, as we received guidance ourselves when we needed it most.
As a leading infidelity coach, Pete can help in the following ways.
1) Speak with you on the phone to work out what you both want and how you can get there.
And, if it feels right, he can also meet with both of you to provide three days intensive care for your very bruised emotional systems.
2) Offer a non judgemental and completely accepting shoulder to cry on and a compassionate and understanding ear.
3) Teach both of you what was missing in your lives and what really led to the affair.
4) Help you to understand that you really weren’t to blame. Neither of you.
5) Show you your choices when you aren’t able to see them clearly yourself.
6) Help you to make decisions about your future from a place of feeling understood and cared for, rather than from a place of confusion and pain.
7) Provide you with a personalised and individual blueprint for your recovery.
8) Assist you in creating a love-filled and deeply connected marriage, or if you do still choose to divorce, to support each of you in finding happiness going forwards.
9) Introduce you to a wealth of resources as you begin to rebuild your life.
10) Through personality profiling, he can help you to understand yourself, your partner and the way you both naturally interact in a relationship. This overview will be invaluable for your recovery.
Let’s take a closer look at each of those points we listed….
1. Three days intensive care
When you are in severe emotional distress, you really need only one thing; someone who really cares about your happiness and has no agenda for you. Nothing else will work.
Once you really FEEL that, everything will begin to change for you.
Right now, you may believe you can think and plan your own way to a better and happier place but in a state of fear, your thinking will just go round in endless loops and the anguish will come out in your words, actions, behaviours or decisions.
That’s a pretty big risk as far as your future happiness is concerned!
Pete offers couples (or individuals) a free phone consultation, but also the possibility of a three day personal 'intervention' with us. We call it that because, like a divine ‘intervention’, we are going to inject REAL unconditional acceptance into your parched emotional system and help you to really see each other clearly again.
Once you FEEL that level of acceptance, your defences will drop, your pain will melt away and your sanity will return. From that place Pete can start to help you move forwards and the effect of this really can be ‘miraculous’.
2. A caring shoulder to cry on
Many people want to hide away after the discovery of infidelity.
The shame, the guilt and the fear of judgement can feel so overwhelming that you just can’t face other people and, if you do share your crisis with well meaning friends and family, then their opinions and ‘advice’ can make you feel worse. That’s because they have no idea that the things they are saying are stealing from your emotional system rather than healing it.
We can offer you a truly supportive unconditionally accepting shoulder to cry on or an understanding ear as you give vent to your angst.
Actually in no time at all, you won’t be feeling like that anymore and will start to open up to learning some pretty amazing stuff.
3) Understand what really led to the affair
Pete can teach you some ground breaking principles for overcoming emotional pain and achieving lasting happiness. He will also teach you how to apply to them and as a result, you can begin to really understand the affair, the reasons behind it and how it is only a tiny part of a much bigger picture. With this understanding, the healing can progress.
4) Know that you really weren’t to blame
One of the biggest fears we have is of being judged by others. Ask any audience of people in our workshops – what is their biggest fear? – They will tell you that it’s one of not being good enough for others.
When infidelity is uncovered, both partners are likely to experience a huge fear of the judgement of others and a fear of being blamed by others.
We will help you both to understand why you are not to blame. Either of you. We will help you to see the true cause of the infidelity and you won’t find any other counsellor or therapist who is able explain it like this.
5) Show you all of your choices
Fear clouds our vision like nothing else. Where several choices exist, you will only see two. It’s like wearing a pair of very dirty glasses and only being able to see a tiny field of vision through a clean patch. We help wipe your glasses clean.
6) Help you to make decisions
Whilst never wanting to guide you towards any one specific decision, Pete can care and accept you as you work through the potential consequences of each choice so that, without fear you can decide which consequences you like best.
7) Provide you with a personalised and individual blueprint for your recovery.
Without our own coach, our marriage could not have survived the extent of the infidelity and the resultant damage. In hindsight, we know that to be an irrefutable fact, but back at that time we had to swallow a huge dose of scepticism and through our fear, embrace the faith that by facing this head on instead of running away, we could learn a fundamental life lesson which would serve us well for ever more.
That faith paid off.
8) Support each of you to find happiness after infidelity
Whether you decide to stay together and work on your marriage or go your own separate ways, Pete will be able to help you see clearly.
Happiness does not NEED to come from being in this relationship, it’s true, but you will need extensive guidance so as not to take the same mistakes into your future relationships.
9) Introduce you to a wealth of resources
Pete and I founded our company, Cornerstone Coaching, so that we could offer this ground breaking work in the UK and around the world. We have also run workshops, seminars, retreats and courses and can provide you with a personalised 90 day recovery plan when you attend our 3 day interventions or group retreats.
10) Through profiling, he can help you to understand yourself, your partner and the way you both naturally interact in a relationship.
As a result of our early childhood experiences we adopt behaviours which help us navigate our way through life and our relationships. Being able to see our own behaviours and the effect they have on those around us is invaluable. We can provide you with a personal profile which will go a long way in helping you see yourself, your partner and your relationship more clearly.
Please feel free to contact us and request a free consultation.
You are just a 3 day intervention away from feeling loved again!
By Nikki & Pete Uglow
“My wife and I discovered Pete at probably the lowest point of our marriage, but I now look back on that time as being the turning point of our entire lives. My wife was clearly telling me how unloved she felt by the behaviours she was exhibiting and in my own unloved state I chose to feel hurt and angry. Pete helped us see what we were doing to each other and that in trying to ‘get’ love from each other and elsewhere, we were only succeeding in driving the real thing away.
We have had to relearn our whole view of the world, of what people’s behaviours are telling us and how our own behaviour gives away our emptiness. It has created an amazing bond between my wife and I and it has been a completely life changing experience.”
G.H. (Anonymity preserved)